It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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