i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The air was thick with penises
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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