i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
