Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you win again, gameday.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
