I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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