My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
