i permit you to call me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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