There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
