I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize