i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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