dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
