You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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