When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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