Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
