new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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