remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
