My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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