I can text with my tongue
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
