So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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