about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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