I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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