So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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