im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
