the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize