You're my little dorito
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
