My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
