Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This is the high leading the old right now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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