just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
