I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
