Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
