If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sorry about my life...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
