Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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