at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This toilet bowl is my home.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
