Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
they're like a gay fantastic four
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
