from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
