party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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