if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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