just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
