He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
