You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
is wine microwaveable?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
