Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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