whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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