That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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