I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
