In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
