Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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