They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
