He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
