if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
