Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's Friday. Sex?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
