his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
