The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize