The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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