There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
