we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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