Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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