**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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