Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
