Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
