I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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