shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize