I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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