I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
