this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
