So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
