Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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