He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
