I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
