Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
